Not Another Pokemon Story
by zatch-masterofsugarhighs
Summary: Wally is an average pokemon trainer with a potty mouth.Who knew pokemon and drugs were a great combination!Chapters 2 and three are finally up!This story iz Roflcoptersaurus Rex!My first try.
1. Chapter 1:I'm the main character!

Not another pokemon story!

I know there are a lot of pokemon stories out there but just read mine OKAY!

Disclaimer- I almost owned pokemon but the creator wasn't drunk enough.

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Wally- ...Huh? What time is it………..? Oh crap, I'm late! Hey hold on, I'm the main character can be as late as I want to be!

After about 3 hours of Gamecube he headed down stairs. His mom came over as soon as he got down there.

Mom-Oh! Prof. Elm wants to see you and...Your poke'gear just got back from the shop. Well actually it came back 3 hours ago. See what had happened was...

Wally- Whatever I'm the main character. There has to be a pokemon left over.

When Wally leaves he sees a few guys gambling.

Wally- Hey can I join you?

2 hours later...

Wally- Yeeeaaaa boooiii!Pay up!

Guys- Aww, come on you took all our money!

Wally-Pass up ya pokemon!

Wally received a squirtle,a cyndaquil,a totodile, and a charmander.

Wally-Peace Out! Oh crap! It's 6 o'clock I gotta get outta here! Hey Prof. Elm! You got any pokemon left?

Prof. Elm- Huh? I'll have the damn rent when I'm good and ready! He said smoking a joint. Huh oh hey Wally I was so high I thought you were the bill collector. Anyway, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT! Some crack right? Well the dude on Route 33 Just got a new shipment...

Wally- OK that's great but I need a pokemon first.

Prof. Elm- WELL I DON'T HAVE ANY LEFT!

Wally-BUT I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER!

Prof. Elm-Says who?

Wally- The writer.

Writer- No, I said YOU kept saying you were the main character. We never agreed on that. Hehe Dumbass.

Wally-Arrrgghh! Great, now I don't have a pokemon and I can't get any crack!

Prof. Elm- Haha!

In fact he laughed so hard he broke his leg.

Prof. Elm- Great now I cant get any crack. Hey Wally if you give me some crack then Ill give you a pokemon.

Wally- I THOUGHT YOU SAID THERE WERNT ANY LEFT!

Prof. Elm-Uhh about that, you see what had happened was….

Wally-Why do you adults keep saying that. I've already got 4 pokemon.

Prof. Elm-DAMN BITCH!WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED

Wally-I was gambling.

Prof. Elm-Well here's what I can give you a bulbasaur and a chikorita. Which one do you want?

Wally-Can people screw pokemon?

Prof. Elm -YES.

Wally-Then I'll take the chikorita.

Prof. Elm-Ha the jokes on you the chikorita's a dude.

Wally-Aww man, what kind of gay pokemon is she I mean he? Come on I mean, it's a CHIKorita.

Prof. Elm- Well, you could always have the bulbasaur but...

Wally-OK LET ME HAVE THE BULBASAUR!GIMMIE,GIMMIE,GIMMIE!

Prof. Elm-Well, there is one condition.

Wally-Fine what is it I'll do anything!

Prof. Elm-OK then here it goes.

Elm whispered something in his ear.Ten minutes later Wally was in the middle of town in nothing but his underwear singing:

Booty, booty, booty, booty, rockin' everywhere _[3x_  
Rockin' everywhere _[2x_

I found you MS NEW BOOTY  
Get it together and bring it back to me  
Hit the playas club for about month or 2  
Put his hand on it then see what he do _[2x_

Get it ripe, get it right, get it tight _[4x_

Prof. Elm-Oh God! I cant believe you just did that! All I said was to beat me in paper scissors rock.

Wally-CURSE YOU WRITER!HEY WAIT I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOUR LEG WAS BROKEN!

Prof. Elm-(Jumping around and laughing) I (Haha).. did'nt ..break it (Haha)... I only sprained it. Hehe stupid writer.

Writer-That's it Elm! I'm tired of your crap! Remember these words as you go through your story.

Wally-Oh crap, I think she meant it.

Prof. Elm-Yeah right she's all pen no action.

As soon as Elm said that a bolt of lightning struck his legs.

Elm-Owww, my legs are fried and broken.

Wally-Well I tried to warn him.

Writer-I like you. How about this I'll make you the main character.

Wally-SCORE!

Writer-All right! Now go and get that crack and don't forget to send me some!

Wally-No prob, I'm gonna be a pokemon master.

And so off Wally went to Cherry grove city. An old man was standing blocking his way.

OM-Hey you Ill give you a tour of the town. I'll get you something nice if you stay with me.

Wally-OK!

OM-This is the pokemon center, you can heal your pokemon here. This is the pokemart, where you can get things for your pokemon. This is route 33 where you can get crack and pokemon and battle other trainers. This is the sea as you can see some pokemon can only be found there. And this is my house come in and ill give you something.

Wally-OK.

What's gonna happen to Wally find out in the next chapter Ch.2 writers gone bad.

Well that was my first try please RR.


	2. Chapter 2:Wally gets some

Now time for the long awaited chapter 2!!!!!!MEEPS!!!0O

Chapter 2 : Writers gone bad..(Evil laugh)!

What have we learned so far?

1. The writer controls your life.

2. Piss me off and you die.

3. I'm always right.

4. Piss me off and you DIE!

5. I rule you all.

6. PISS ME OFF AND YOU DIE!!!!!!!

P.S I don't own pokemon. And the president bashing can NOT be helped.

P.S.S The democrats will rule the house AND the Presidential cabinet! GO NANCY PALLOCI!!

Wally- Hmmm, a strange old man just invited me into his house. what should I do? What should I do? Why am I asking you? You're just a reader. I know! I'll just ask the writer.

At that moment the writer was taking a nap.

Wally- How can she take a nap if she is typing this.

Because we're the writers friends! We're Kaavya and Ashley and we're taking over for now. The writer had a writing block so she took some mind stimulants and " accidentally" overdosed on them so we stole her thought book.

Wally- So what should I do?

An angel and a devil thingy appeared on Wally's shoulder.

Wally- Thanks guys! You're way smarter than the writer. Heh heh, stupid writer.

Right when Wally said that, the writer woke up from her nap.

Writer- What was that? Was that free will? That's it you, just wait 'till you get to the bad guys. BWAHAHAHA...HA!

Demon Thingy- Okay , that was weird. Any way, you should go in there and steal his stuff.

Wally- Yes. I can only imagine what I could buy with all that cash.

In his mind, Wally was swimming in a giant pool of those chocolate gold coins.

Wally- Yeeeeessss, excellent.

Devil thing: Anyway, you should go in. That way you can steal all his crap and sell it on Ebay.

Wally- Yeah that sounds great!

Angel- No, that isn't right! Stealing is wrong! That man just showed you around and this is how you repay-

Wally flicked the angel off of his shoulder. But it just reappeared.

Wally- Well, that was a complete waste of time. How long are you guys going to be on my shoulder?

D & A Thingy- Until you figure out your mental problems.

Wally- Well, that's never gonna happen. So before you leave I have a few questions.

Angel- Sure, fire away.

Wally- Where do babies come from?

D & A- Uhhhh, well, you see...

4 hours later...

Demon- And that's all you need to know about where babies come from.

Wally- But...what's the machine for?

Angel- I'll tell you when you're older.

The two figures then poofed away.

Wally- And don't come back you asshole vacuum sales man. YOU CAN TAKE THAT TURBO VAC 3000 AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR NOSE!!!

So Wally burst into the old man's house and out an AK-47 and began shooting up the place.

Wally- EAT LEAD OLD MAN!!!Wu-tang clan ain't nothin ta fuck wit!!! Wu-tang clan ain't nothin ta fuck wit!!!(Throws random gang sign)

At that moment time froze. The AK-47 then disappeared.

Writer- What did I tell you about doing things that aren't pre-approved in my pamphlet?! It says, right here, in Sec.Q,Row 5,Paragraph 20, Regulation alpha beta gamma- you no killy people.

At that moment a bolt of lightning struck the Old Man.

Writer- That's my job.

Wally- You sure like killing the characters with DBRL (Death By Random Lightning)

Writer- Yeah but that's beside the point. I saved you this time, but you're getting way to rebellious you no good little prick. I cant stop that, so I've decided to let you do as you wish and suffer the consequences.

Wally-(In a ghetto voice) Whateva,whateva, I do what I wont(want).

Writer-(In an equally ghetto voice) Whateva,whateva, I was in a drive-by shootin.

Wally-Whateva,whateva, I was a collaborator in that hijacked plane incident! Fuck Saddam and Osama it was me! And fuck George Bush, he's the white devil! He can suck my balls! And his wife-

Writer-SHUT THE HELL UP!YOU GONNA GET ME SHOT!OR MY STORY KICKED OFF! Republicans be fightin bitch!!!!REMEMBER WHAT THAT WHITE REPUBLICAN DUDE FROM ALABAMA DID TO THAT DEMACRAT FOR "CALLIN HIM A BAD NAME"!!!!!!!!!!!

Wally-So?

Writer-If my story gets kicked off, then there's no more you.

Wally-I'ma just shut up now.

Writer-Not just yet.

At that moment, Wally felt like singing the song "In the ghetto".

Wally-As the snow flies...on a cold and grey Chicago mornin a small little baby child is born in the ghetto...And his momma cried...cause if there's one thing that she don't need is another hungry mouth to feed in the ghetto.

And a hungry little boy with a runny nose plays in the street as the cold wind blows in the ghetto...

So he starts to roam the streets at night, and he learns how to steal and he learns how to fight, in the ghetto.

Then one night in desperation, the young man breaks away. He buys a gun and he steals a car and he tries to run but he don't get far...in the ghetto (in the ghetto).

As a crowd gathers round the angry young man face down in the street with a gun in his hand (in the ghetto).

And as her young man dies ...(in the ghetto).

On a cold and grey Chicago mornin...another little baby child is born... (in the ghetto)...And his momma cried...in the ghetto...

Writer-Crying That song gets me every time. That song is so sad. Anyway that's all for now.

Wally-Crying That song is so sad!!!

After Wally got over it, he looked around and:

Around the house Wally found-

a potion

a repel and

a berry.

Wally- Score!

So Wally left to go to Mr. Pokamon's house when: Wild pidgey attacked! For some reason the pidgey attacked while he was in a town. And for another reason he felt like turning his hat backwards like some nerd in a black t-shirt, blue jeans rolled up like a fag, and a blue and white jacket that shall be left unnamed cough Ash Ketchum cough. And saying "Pikachu I choose you!"Which he did except he said Charmander instead of Pikachu. Pidgey used Wing attack!

Wally- WHAT THE HELL!PIDGEY DOESNT LEARN THAT MOVE UNTIL LEVEL 25!OH NO,I DONT HAVE ANY POKE BALLS EITHER!THAT STUPID AID!THEY'RE PROBOBLY LAID OUT FLAT HIGH ON THE FLOOR OF THAT DAMNED LAB!!!!

Back at the lab

Aid-(High laid out flat on the floor) Hey dude, I totally forgot to give that kid some pokeballs.

Prof. Elm- Just forget it. He'll be back.(Zoom in on face)They all come back.

BUM BUUUUUUM!!!!!!!

Back to Wally.

Wally-I bet they're waiting for me to get back.

Writer-(Thinking) You have no idea!

Wally-Oh well, since I don't have any pokeballs, I'll have to use the next best thing.

Wally ate the pidgey.

Wall-Hmmm, tastes like a mixture of rabies and Avian flu. Yet strangly something else?

The pidgey then burst from Wally's stomach.

Wally- Ah, spoot monkeys.

The Pidgey then died from Avian flu. Charmander gained 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 EXP.points! Charmander grew to LV. 123456789101112131415161718192021222324252627282930313233343536373839404242444454647484950!Charmander evolved into Charizard!

Wally-Well that was messed up.I told you that Gameshark would fuck any pokemon gameup.You owe me 200 Bucks!

Writer-Okay just let me get my-(runs away)

Wally-Damn. She always does that...

Pidgey- HELLZ YEA!!!

Wally- Hey! I thought you were dead!

Pidgey-The Gameshark fucked up the game.

Wally- Oh.

Pidgey- Wanna have sex?

Wally- WTF?!

See you next time. Maybe then I'll have had enough sugar to get high and write a good chapter so this won't be a TOTAL crack fic. Zatch, signing off.

P.S. If BECCA REID AND/OR BRETT BENNETT ARE READING THIS...MUFFIN!NOT MOOFIN,MUFIN!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...HA!


	3. Chapter 3:Randomness Rules!

Chapter 3: Randomness Rules!

Wally- WOW! A TALKING PIDGEY! HOW AMAZING!!

Pidgey- WOW, A MORONIC HUMAN! HOW AMAZING!!

Wally-Heeeeeey! I am a human aren't I? So, pidgey, you're my slave, so go and get me a coke.

Pidgey-SLAVE!!! WHY I OUGHTTA!!!!

Wally- What ever .Just get me my damn soda!

Pidgey pooped on Wally's head.

Wally- (Choking Pidgey) Why you little-

Pidgey-(Choking)

Writer-Now, if you are wondering why I'm not interfering with this brutal murder is because...(turns crazier than usual and takes out a stack of charts)THE PIDGEY(points to a chart that shows a pidgey and a chicken) IS A BIRD JUSTLIKE A CHICKEN,AND IF LEFT ALONE WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!!!(turns back to normal)So today, for the incredibly low price of 1.99 you can get a juicy, tender, chicken/pidgey steak. OR for 10 easy payments of 99.99,plus tax, you can get a legendary bird steak. Thank you & we now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Wally-Ooookaaaay.So, you wanna go to the poke'club?

Pidgey-Don't you have some mission to do?

Wally-There are a lot of lady Pidgeys there.

Pidgey-Well damn! Why didn't you say that in the first place?!Lets get the hell outta here!

At that moment a bolt of lightning stuck Pidgey.

Wally- You crazy bitch! We were just about to get laid!

Writer-I just saved your ass. Literally! That bar, read it's sign!

Wally - Pidgey and John's GAY Bar

Pidgey-o0…

Wally-That totally screwed up my plans for Friday night.

Wally- Holy fuck monkeys, Batman. We almost became somebody's bitch! Thanks Writer!

Pidgey-HEY YOU FUCKING MORON, GET ME TO THE GODDAMN POKEMONCENTER!

Wally-Oh, I almost forgot about you.

So, Wally ran to Mr.Pokemon's house.

Mr. Pokemon-YEAH BITCH!I KNOW YOU LIKE THAT.OH YEAH!UP YOUR ASS BITCH!!!

Wally-...Should I...come back at another time...HOW DID YOU GET YOUR PENIS STUCK IN A DITTO?!

Mr. Pokemon-Well you see, I was trying to see if a ditto could breed with anything and-

At that moment an egg popped out of ditto.

Mr. Pokemon-YES!AFTER 2 YEARS OF FUCKING THIS DITTO FOR 5 HOURS A DAY,I HAVE FINALLY PRUDUCED A HUMAN/POKEMON HYBRID EGG!

Wally-That..was one of the most...AWSOME THING I'VE EVER SEEN!!!Hmmm, so people and pokemon CAN have sex. I don't want to be a pokemon master anymore...I'M GONNA BE A POKEMON FU-

Mr. Pokemon smacked him over the head. At that moment Prof. Oak came out of the shadows.

Prof.Oak-Yes! Now I can start my pokemon porn business on the side! Hmm... a trainer! Would you like to be in my new business?

Wally-HELLZ YEAH!

Mr. Pokemon-Why don't we ask your mom?

Wally-Damn you!!Sorry Prof. Oak, maybe some other time.

Prof. Oak-Well, I guess that means I have no other reason to be here. I got to get back to my radio show and don't have time to deal with you're crap, so here's a pokedex.

Wally received a pokedex!(Beeping music)

Prof. Oak-And with that I bid you A'dou! I got places to go, people to see and pokemon to fuck. P.S. Your pokemon is a piece of crap.

Wally- I guess I should leave now, since he insulted my pokemon like that.

Mr. Pokemon-Hey! You almost forgot Prof. Elm's "package".

Wally received weed!

Wally- Awesome!

Mr. Pokemon- Oh, take this too.

Wally received egg!

Wally-You're not gonna take care of your own child?

Mr. Pokemon-(Very high)Whatever, just don't eat my monkeys!!

Wally-Remember kids, don't do drugs or you'll end up like that guy!

Dumb-ass kid-You mean rich and famous with unbelievably rare pokemon?

Wally-No you little fucktard. His is a special case where he got rich and started using drugs and eventually he will blow all of his money on drugs and hookers. After that he will most likely end up working at McFatass. Or worse, youll end up like Whitney!

Kid-(horrified) I'll never do drugs!

So, after keeping a few kids from doing drugs, Wally headed back to Prof. Elm's house. But before he could even get off of Mr.Pokemon's doorstep his cell phone rang.

Wally-Hello, could you hurry this up? This is wasting my daytime minuets.

Voice-You have seven days.

Wally-Is this Prof. Elm?

Voice-Uhhh...no.

Wally- I do have caller id you know.

Prof. Elm-Damn you technological breakthroughs in communications technology!!!!!

Wally-...

Prof. Elm- Anyway, get over here, it's an emergency. Click,beep,beep.

Wally-Well I better hurry, it sounded very important.

Wally ran back to Cherry grove and was attacked by a red haired boy.

Red Head-You look like a weak little pussy to me. Let's battle.

Wally-Oh NO that bitch didn't Let's kill this honkey cracker ass bitch!!!!GO!!Charmander!!

Red Head-Go Chikorita!!!

CLIFF HANGER!!!!!!C U N ch.4!!!


End file.
